50 Things I’d Rather Do than See 50 Shades Of Grey At The Cinema.

fifty-shades-grey

Now i think i must of missed the hype, because yes the book is a good read, yes the film is probably going to be 2 hours not completely wasted. But why would you want to go to the cinema, with 200 random people, to watch some free mild porn? Or maybe not so mild if they really go for it with this film. The possibilities of awkwardness are endless. Just think, what if you get sat next to someone who’s come alone. And they’re being….creepy?! NO THANK YOU. There are a lot of things i would rather do, a lot. Sorry Christian, you’re not appealing to me whilst on a big screen!

1. Listen to Pitbull on repeat for 24 hours. Oh Pitbull, the kind of man who is probably going alone to watch this film, fitting.

2. Run into a swarm of bees.

3.Have everybody talk to you in only ‘txt spch’.

4. Shoot myself, in the foot. Again and again and again and again and again and again.

5, Attach 1000 leeches to my body and watch them slowly suck the blood out of my body.

6. Sit in a room with Kristen Stewart and tell her endless jokes that you find hilarious just to be shot in the soul when she never even cracks a smile.  

7. Only ever drive in rush hour for the rest of my life.

8. Watch the end of Titanic on repeat. Life time of anger of that stupid cow letting go of Jack, we all know there is enough space for two on that piece of wood

9. Play musical chairs on power drills.

10. Wax my eyebrows off, never to return.

11. Relive School. On a loop.

12. Be the inspiration for Taylor Swifts next album.

13.  Be a guest on Loose Women, it’s hard enough watching the squawking over the TV never mind next to you.

14. Be Perez Hilton (if you watched CBB you will know why, wrong on so many levels)

15. Watch the Ross and Rachel break up episode on Friends.

16. Rip of my toe nails with pliers.

17. Get a bikini wax.

18. Be modeled around the guests of Jeremy Kyle. 

19. Go for a swim wearing concrete boots.

20. Be stuck in a confined place with the mums of ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ 

21. Be awoken everyday for the next month by a kick to the tit.

22. Actually eat a horse.

23. Suck a toe.

24. Fall passionately in love with a object.

25. Drink milk three weeks past it’s expiration date.

26. Watch paint dry.

27 . Take my shoes off at a club at 3am, you know once the floor has really had a good chance to become sticky and a trail of glass and bodily fluids. 

28. Only have my tagged photos shown on Facebook, attractive.

29. Drop a kettle bell on my foot.

30. Walk over floor covered in Lego.

31. Not realise my skirt is tucked into my tights for a day whilst wearing the most god awful underwear i own.

32. Never find out who ‘A’ is on Pretty Little Liars.

33. Peel 1,000 potatoes with a plastic knife.

34. Never shave ever again.

35. Have to say ‘yolo’ in every conversation i have for a week. Goodbye friends.

36. Never being blessed with the sound of Morgan Freemans voice ever again.

37. Get sunburn, pour boiling water on said sunburn.

38. Have everyone’s dog take a shit in our garden and our garden only. With only tiny poo bags to clean it all up with.

39. Have my hair cut with crinkle cut scissors.

40. Get stuck in an lift with my ex’s.

41. Forget what pizza is.

42. Have nails that take an hour to dry. The pain.

43. Constantly suffer from the mysterious boob itch.

44. Clean a public toilet with my toothbrush.

45. Have the only outfit i own be a matching velvet tracksuit. In the most obnoxious colour too.

46. Only ever become sick after eating a pot noodle. Noodles out the nose are the worst.

47. Answer every cold call and spend an hour talking to each one accepting any and every offer they give me.

48. Repeatedly hit my funny bone.

49. Develop an allergy to puppies and kittens.

50. Write a list of 50 things i’d rather do than watch 50 Shades Of Grey.

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33 responses to “50 Things I’d Rather Do than See 50 Shades Of Grey At The Cinema.

  1. This is hilarious Kim… you have me in fits of giggles! Slightly shaky to admit I’m seeing it tomorrow night – hope I survive it!!! lol X

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    • Haha i’m glad you liked it! I didn’t realise how much i disliked until writing this list! They were all too easy to think of haha! Oh lord you’re brave!! Make sure you take at least two people with you and sit in the middle of them to prevent the awkward random person next to you! hahaa Let me know if it’s as bad as i thought it would be! xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      • LOL LOL – honestly Kim I was in wrinkles here!!! I know – I’m crazzzy right?! I’m blaming it ALL on my single sister who is draggggggging me along (okay maybe dragging is slightly dramatising it haha) Thankfully, she booked vip so we have a little balcony and there’s no one beside us – still I have a feeling I’ll be melting with awkwardness. lol Oooh don’t worry I’ll keep you informed of what you’re not missing! haha 😀 X

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  2. OMGosh this was sooooooo funny!

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  3. This had be laughing the entire time. How you came up with some of this stuff? I’ll never know, but it is brilliant hahaha!

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    • haha some of the things like ‘i’d rather play musical chairs on a power drill’ is something my family say (charmers) so some of them are from family sayings but i think i just dislike a lot more things than i thought haha! i could of gone on and on and on haha! Glad you enjoyed it sweet x

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hahaha this is brilliant, I laughed out loud through the whole thing! It’s safe to say I won’t be going to watch 50 Shades either…I’ll take the Lego-covered floor over it any day x

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  5. You’re hilarious, your gorgeous girl.

    How did you come up with a list that long? You must really, really hate Fifty Shades. And Kristen Stewart. Why do so many people hate her?

    Loved the entire list. Specially the get a bikini wax part and then right after, “Never shave again.”.

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    • Aw thank you you! I always look forward to opening your comments because they’re always so sweet!

      You know what, it took a while but not as long as i anticipated! I guess i just dislike A LOT haha! Krtisten Stewart is probably a lovely person, but i’m one of those annoying happy-go-lucky people that smile constantly so she is my worst nightmare haha!

      Haha glad you enjoyed it sweetie, have a good weekend wont you! xxx

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      • She’s okay I guess. She’s awkward that’s for sure. But it’s what all the cool kids are doing, being awkward. It’s like cool to be weird and awkward. Hmm, funny.

        And I always love reading your posts. You’re a breath of fresh air.

        Have a great weekend beautiful! ❤

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      • She sure is! I would say ‘weird’ is in my long list of traits, rather largely haha. But i’m not very awkward, i talk my way out of any awkwardness that may arise!

        Thank you sweetie!

        You too ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I have been non stop laughing for like 20 minutes!!

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  7. sitting next to a creepy person is the last of my worries. I feel bad for everyone who will be getting a completely false representation of what it’s like to be in a real BDSM relationship. this movie is on the same boat as twilight. Hollywood is glamorizing a relationship that is completely false and unreal, creating false fantasies of that sort of relationship. so many people have no idea what it REALLY takes to be in a relationship and 50 shades of grey is going to perpetuate that even further.

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    • I completely agree that the message and the false representation isn’t great. But unfortunately that’s the world we live in, films more times than not send out an unrealistic and sometimes harmful to some message in many forms, whether it be this, gangs, murders it’s all out there in most films and it’s glorified. It’s not right but it’s there, i don’t think this one film should get everything thrown at it when there are a lot of other films that get away with it just because it’s not a hot topic like this one. But i agree it’s not right x

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      • Yeah but I think that gangs, drugs and murder are obvious rather than this isn’t as obvious. People do not understand BDSM and now they are going to believe that they do. That they themselves have some sort of connection with that type of relationship and the truth is they don’t. Because the fact that it’s a public setting is the least of anyone’s concerns.

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      • It might be obvious to some but it’s not to some audiences. As is the same with this film because if you look over the internet there are a hugeee amount of people putting out the same message as you. No matter what you watch somebody is going to take something different away to someone else and that can’t be helped. This post was not disregarding the fact that the message isn’t great but this post was more in mind if i was watching anything that sexual with anybody else i would feel awkward. It’s just an awkward situation. Whether there is BDSM or anything else sexual. xx

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      • hmmm i see, so rather these 50 things you’d rather do than watch the movie in theaters. because it sounds like you’ll see the movie just with people you are comfortable with.

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      • I never said i wouldn’t watch it at some point if it was on. Because yes the message isn’t great like i said, but it depends 1. how they potray it. and 2.who’s watching it because not everybody is as naive to think they understand it from watching a movie. I can see how he message is bad to some people like i said, i’m agreeing with that. Personally when i watch a film whatever i see in a film gets left with the film, goes out of my mind seconds later. There’s films about all things that are wrong in the world, but people still watch films on crime. Put that film in front of the wrong person and they too will see it glamourised and think they understand. It’s exactly the same whether you believe it’s more obvious or not.

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      • you are smart enough to understand that. I am smart enough to understand that. Sad part is a lot of the people interested in seeing the movie are not like you and I. you are being naive to think that there are not naive people in this world. glamorizing life of guns, drugs, gangs you won’t see people in your neighborhood taking those things and trying to portray them. but go to the ghetto and you’ll see plenty of people taking what they see in those films and making it very real.
        but this is not guns and violence. this is sex. and EVERYONE likes sex. so many people are watching this film solely because involves intense sex. so think about that from everyone corner of the world people will watching this film. and yes, many of them are extremely naive. this is a practice of sex has been basically slandered and thought of as weird or not okay but because it’s a hollywood film it’s suddenly okay? so many people would be disgusted and creeped out by the practices of BDSM before this movie came out!!! SO PUUUHLEAAASE everyone seeing this film is as phony as the BDSM it shows

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  8. no one knows what it really to be in a BDSM* relationship

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  9. This is so funny! The last one was one that took the bone! Loved it, and was so unexpected! haha!
    Not gonna lie, there’s a side of me that wanted to watch it in cinema! But not going through that – nuh uh!
    Hope you have a fab valentines day!
    xoxo,

    BerryBloomXO.com | Beauty & Lifestyle Blog 
    also on BLOGLOVIN 

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  10. I’m new to your blog and you made me laugh out loud throughout this whole post. I’m loving your sense of humor. I’ve never read 50 shades of grey, or have any desire to watch the movie, so I think we might be on the same boat haha. I have to follow your blog! 🙂
    It’sMyLife

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  11. Ha ha ha Brilliant I love this post even tho I was looking forward to it , funny girl 🙂 x x

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